It's times like these when life is thrown up, around and pulled right back down. No doubt i'm not the only person in the world feeling like this right now. Every teenager has or will (even is) going through this. Theres alot on my plate right I suppose. Days are falling out of time for me to leave for University. I should feel gratified that I'm leaving the bull shit that goes on here and start fresh over, with new friends, new surroundings and the capital city on my door step. But even that seems almost like a lost cause. I'm starting a new life in theory, changing my address, paying rent... I won't be able to bumble into my bathroom and find a new tube of tooth paste. I will physically have to travel to the supermarket and purchase the minty fresh gel to polish my teeth and gums. Don't get me wrong. I cannot wait. But at the same time it's a life changing move. Scary to think about at this moment in time. I need to pack up my room, my DVD's, my clothes, my Xbox and move it all to Roehampton Halls of Residence.
It's almost half way through Augest now and I remember moaning and being horribly depressed that Univsity wasn't coming quick enough. Now it's almost a month away, i'm sill moaning and being pessimistic towards the time. I want to be there now. I want to be in my room, with this beer and this film on typing words at this time - but in my residence at West London.
It'll happen. Before I know it.
Untill then, I'm sitting in my room, in my home in Hacheston. It's comfortable and familiar and it fits me for certain frames of mind but I know I want to living in London. I'm a city boy, a Britpop boy. The culture and the atmosphere are what I crave in my blood.
Bob Dylan wrote -"I Know It Looks Like I'm Moving, But I'm Standing Still." and what he wrote makes true for me. Despite seeming okay, I never am, and I probably never will be. But things keep traveling, for better or for worse and it's life.
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i love your thoughts, steven. this is where i am... as you said, we all go through this at some point as teenagers. here i am, on the final brink of my final semester of highschoolhood, and all i can do is count down fervently and impatiently for graduation. people say to enjoy this, it's the best time of your life. but i just can't wait to move on....
ReplyDeletesleeping in beds of friends, sipping rum and eggnog, talking about love and futures, it becomes harder and harder to call my room here at Buford home.... home is quickly becoming, i've discovered, the world. lying on my car in dark parking lots, a cigarette dripping lazily from my lips, feeling the too-cold air find it's way under my sleeves and causing chillbumps on my skin--that is home.
sitting on the dock of Lake Lanier, hearing only the sounds of passenger airplanes fly overhead, the surface below me rising and falling with the wintery current, thinking about the fish and listening to Sia, writing poetry in my head--that is home.
here in this room, where i have framed pictures of my life, automatic heating, a bed with my choice of navy blue sheets, and a maroon rug on the floor--it feels like temporarystay.
and just like you said, it'll all change before i know it.
(something tells me it already has...)
i hope you're having a good new years, londonfriend, wherever that takes you. cheers